Tag Archives: Relationships

When You Ask Someone to Question One Thing, You May Be Asking Them to Question Everything

Upon hearing that I’ve written three books about polyamory and maintain a popular daily blog that heavily (although not exclusively) focuses on consensual non-monogamy, most people assume I must be some kind of polyamory fanatic.

They presume that I jumped into non-monogamy vigorously, happily, excited as heck. That I was an exuberant polyamorist,  » Read more

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You Can Date Your Friends, But Don’t Date All of Your Friends

Sometimes people ask me how I got into writing books about relationships, blogging for a large audience, giving advice.

People always seem to be hoping for some backstory in which I had some kind of grand vision. In which I shot forward with the unbridled determination of an activist and an ideologue for kink and non-monogamy.  » Read more

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FOMO, JOMO, and the Reality of Constant Comparison

FOMO: (noun) Fear of Missing Out. Anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on a social media website.

JOMO: (noun) Joy of Missing Out. Feeling of contentment due to staying in and disconnecting, can be considered an act of self-care

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Comparison.  » Read more

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Learning to Be Polyamorous Isn’t As Hard as Unlearning What You Were Taught About Relationships

Can you learn to be polyamorous? the reader asks.

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Yes, you can.

Well, sort of.

Because so much of the work I did in my early days as a polyamorous person wasn’t about learning polyamory but about unlearning what I’d been taught about relationships.  » Read more

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If You’ve Ever Been Jealousy Baited, You’re Not Alone. And You’re Not Stupid for Trusting People.

I’ve been working through something very painful lately. Something that I’ve barely spoken about with anyone. Basically, just my nearest and dearest. And even with them, only sparingly.

Because it’s a mess. And I’m a mess about it.

But I’ve finally gotten to a place where I have enough closure that I can write an article about it,  » Read more

The post If You’ve Ever Been Jealousy Baited, You’re Not Alone. And You’re Not Stupid for Trusting People. appeared first on Poly.Land.

It’s Not Easy to Balance Attachment and Autonomy

Page   April 15, 2019   Comments Off on It’s Not Easy to Balance Attachment and Autonomy

It’s a balance I’m yet to master, how to be attached just the right amount and in the just the right ways.

I’m used to being all alone on my own frequency. Used to taking years to wind up to a point where I feel brave enough to speak my truth, only to have it land on other people as absolute nonsense.  » Read more

The post It’s Not Easy to Balance Attachment and Autonomy appeared first on Poly.Land.

I’d Been Dreaming of Home an Awfully Long Time, But I’m Glad It Took a While to Find It

Page   September 27, 2018   Comments Off on I’d Been Dreaming of Home an Awfully Long Time, But I’m Glad It Took a While to Find It

Jealousy is in some measure just and reasonable, since it merely aims at keeping something that belongs to us or we think belongs to us, whereas envy is a frenzy that cannot bear anything that belongs to others.

-Francois de La Rochefoucauld

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I was alone a lot when I was growing up.  » Read more

The post I’d Been Dreaming of Home an Awfully Long Time, But I’m Glad It Took a While to Find It appeared first on Poly.Land.

It’s Tough to Pack Your Ego in Mothballs, But You Might Need to if Your Metamour Is Reluctantly Polyamorous

Page   September 21, 2018   Comments Off on It’s Tough to Pack Your Ego in Mothballs, But You Might Need to if Your Metamour Is Reluctantly Polyamorous

A while back, some friends of mine, Margo and Emily, had their first foray into polyamory as a couple. They’d already been sexually open for a little while, having occasional threesomes with another friend (who had an anchor relationship of his own). But neither of them had another ongoing relationship, nor a connection where there were strong romantic emotions.  » Read more

The post It’s Tough to Pack Your Ego in Mothballs, But You Might Need to if Your Metamour Is Reluctantly Polyamorous appeared first on Poly.Land.

I May Be Polyamorous, But I’m No Homewrecker

Page   September 17, 2018   Comments Off on I May Be Polyamorous, But I’m No Homewrecker

If it makes you uncomfortable, we can pretend it never happened.

That moment lives in a hazy part of my memory anyway. The place where things that don’t seem real when they’re happening live. Those moments when it feels like reality is shimmering.

We’re standing in my office with the door closed.  » Read more

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What’s the Worst Thing About Polyamory? Four Takes

Page   September 13, 2018   Comments Off on What’s the Worst Thing About Polyamory? Four Takes

It’s probably no surprise, but I think polyamory and other forms of consensual non-monogamy can be downright awesome.

That said, every good thing has downsides. For this article, I had conversations with four different folks who are all happily polyamorous asking the following question: What’s the worst thing about polyamory?

Here’s how it went:

Take 1: There’s a Potential For More Let Downs

“Sometimes I feel like dating multiple people is an opportunity to let more people down at once,”  » Read more

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