Tag Archives: Relationships

If You’ve Ever Been Jealousy Baited, You’re Not Alone. And You’re Not Stupid for Trusting People.

I’ve been working through something very painful lately. Something that I’ve barely spoken about with anyone. Basically, just my nearest and dearest. And even with them, only sparingly.

Because it’s a mess. And I’m a mess about it.

But I’ve finally gotten to a place where I have enough closure that I can write an article about it,  » Read more

The post If You’ve Ever Been Jealousy Baited, You’re Not Alone. And You’re Not Stupid for Trusting People. appeared first on Poly.Land.

It’s Not Easy to Balance Attachment and Autonomy

It’s a balance I’m yet to master, how to be attached just the right amount and in the just the right ways.

I’m used to being all alone on my own frequency. Used to taking years to wind up to a point where I feel brave enough to speak my truth, only to have it land on other people as absolute nonsense.  » Read more

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I’d Been Dreaming of Home an Awfully Long Time, But I’m Glad It Took a While to Find It

Page   September 27, 2018   Comments Off on I’d Been Dreaming of Home an Awfully Long Time, But I’m Glad It Took a While to Find It

Jealousy is in some measure just and reasonable, since it merely aims at keeping something that belongs to us or we think belongs to us, whereas envy is a frenzy that cannot bear anything that belongs to others.

-Francois de La Rochefoucauld

*

I was alone a lot when I was growing up.  » Read more

The post I’d Been Dreaming of Home an Awfully Long Time, But I’m Glad It Took a While to Find It appeared first on Poly.Land.

It’s Tough to Pack Your Ego in Mothballs, But You Might Need to if Your Metamour Is Reluctantly Polyamorous

Page   September 21, 2018   Comments Off on It’s Tough to Pack Your Ego in Mothballs, But You Might Need to if Your Metamour Is Reluctantly Polyamorous

A while back, some friends of mine, Margo and Emily, had their first foray into polyamory as a couple. They’d already been sexually open for a little while, having occasional threesomes with another friend (who had an anchor relationship of his own). But neither of them had another ongoing relationship, nor a connection where there were strong romantic emotions.  » Read more

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I May Be Polyamorous, But I’m No Homewrecker

Page   September 17, 2018   Comments Off on I May Be Polyamorous, But I’m No Homewrecker

If it makes you uncomfortable, we can pretend it never happened.

That moment lives in a hazy part of my memory anyway. The place where things that don’t seem real when they’re happening live. Those moments when it feels like reality is shimmering.

We’re standing in my office with the door closed.  » Read more

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What’s the Worst Thing About Polyamory? Four Takes

Page   September 13, 2018   Comments Off on What’s the Worst Thing About Polyamory? Four Takes

It’s probably no surprise, but I think polyamory and other forms of consensual non-monogamy can be downright awesome.

That said, every good thing has downsides. For this article, I had conversations with four different folks who are all happily polyamorous asking the following question: What’s the worst thing about polyamory?

Here’s how it went:

Take 1: There’s a Potential For More Let Downs

“Sometimes I feel like dating multiple people is an opportunity to let more people down at once,”  » Read more

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6 Things Jealousy Doesn’t Mean

Page   August 2, 2018   Comments Off on 6 Things Jealousy Doesn’t Mean

While jealousy may be a very strong emotional signal, it’s not a very specific one. As I’ve written before, it’s easy to panic when you experience jealousy, but it’s very much like a check engine light: Jealousy tells you that something is amiss but not what, exactly. And certainly how serious the issue is or how to really fix it.  » Read more

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Polyamory Helped Me Ditch Codependence and Find Healthy Interdependence

Page   April 13, 2018   Comments Off on Polyamory Helped Me Ditch Codependence and Find Healthy Interdependence

Codependence is an overused term implying that normal partner interdependence is somehow dysfunctional.

The concept and terminology came out of the Alcoholics Anonymous movement; the addicted were seen as trapped in a web of dependency with others (their enablers, or codependents) who made excuses for and assisted the addicts in avoiding the consequences of their addiction,  » Read more

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It’s Freeing to Do Your Own Thing, Even When You’re Very Committed to Someone Else

Page   April 12, 2018   Comments Off on It’s Freeing to Do Your Own Thing, Even When You’re Very Committed to Someone Else

Recently, my nesting partner Justin decided to switch over to a low-fat diet. Since I normally serve as the official meal planner for our house, it’s been a big project. Especially because left to my own devices, I typically have two personal eating modes: 1. Low Carb or 2. Eating Like I’m on Death Row.  » Read more

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5 Reasons Why I Used to Hate My Partner’s Exes & Why I (Mostly) Don’t Anymore

Page   April 10, 2018   Comments Off on 5 Reasons Why I Used to Hate My Partner’s Exes & Why I (Mostly) Don’t Anymore

It doesn’t feel great to admit, but I used to bitterly dislike anyone my current partner had dated in the past. This boiled down to five reasons. The first four of these were fairly conscious reasons, ones I was aware of. The fifth one, not so much. Here they are:  » Read more

1. They hurt my partner.

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