Tag Archives: Poly Issues

Emotional Whack-a-Mole: You Can’t Hide from Disappointment

Page   November 17, 2016   Comments Off on Emotional Whack-a-Mole: You Can’t Hide from Disappointment

“I think Rob is more in love with the idea of having a girlfriend than actually in love with me,” I said.

I could hear Skyspook’s breathing change. This was dangerous territory. My words were my truth, sure, but they were also a kind of betrayal.

The funny thing about polyamory,  » Read more

The post Emotional Whack-a-Mole: You Can’t Hide from Disappointment appeared first on Poly.Land.

Body Polytic: Why Poly People Don’t Like Being Called Swingers

Page   November 12, 2016   Comments Off on Body Polytic: Why Poly People Don’t Like Being Called Swingers

One of the most common questions I run into as I talk with polyamorous folks and frequent forums is: Why do poly people get upset when you call them swingers? What’s so bad about being a swinger?

I’ve struggled with this question a lot myself. I used to get really upset when people would call me a swinger.  » Read more

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Poly Honor Student Answers: Defensiveness and Stigma

Page   October 19, 2016   Comments Off on Poly Honor Student Answers: Defensiveness and Stigma

A lot of us are guilty of giving poly honor student answers.

“You’re poly?” we’re asked. “Aren’t you worried about diseases?”

And we answer with the standard-issue Poly Honor Student answer, which goes a little something like this: “Of course we are, but we all practice safe sex and are regularly tested.”

Of course,  » Read more

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Nocebo? No Thanks

Page   October 16, 2016   Comments Off on Nocebo? No Thanks

“There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them.”
-André Gide

*

Just about everyone has heard of the placebo effect.

Nocebo effect, on the other hand, is far less widely known.

Nocebo effect is the opposite of placebo effect. It’s the belief that we’re being exposed to harmful substances when in fact we are not,  » Read more

The post Nocebo? No Thanks appeared first on Poly.Land.

Hanging by a Thread: New Partners and Pseudo-Anxious Attachment

Page   October 14, 2016   Comments Off on Hanging by a Thread: New Partners and Pseudo-Anxious Attachment

Photo by mattw1ls0n / CC BY

I wrote recently about attachment styles and how they come into play during relationships. In that post, I mentioned that the most difficult combination occurs when a person with anxious attachment is in a relationship with someone whose attachment style is avoidant.   » Read more

There’s No Poly Graduation

Page   October 13, 2016   Comments Off on There’s No Poly Graduation

In an earlier post, I spent some time sharing some of the biggest mistakes I’ve made as a poly person. I’ve realized now that I neglected to mention the biggest one of all:

I assumed all polyamorous people who had been at it longer than I had were progressive, enlightened,  » Read more

The Curse of Poly Competence

Page   September 23, 2016   Comments Off on The Curse of Poly Competence

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It’s a familiar story – you start a new job. You’re nervous at first because you don’t know how you’re going to master everything they throw your way, but you put in effort, work hard, and persevere. It’s a struggle, but eventually you’ve got the hang of it. It may have felt like forever to you – but everyone’s so impressed by how quickly you picked it up and how well you’re doing.  » Read more

PQ 2.2 — What configurations am I open to? Am I looking for a particular configuration because I’m afraid that others might be more scary or more threatening?

Page   September 17, 2016   Comments Off on PQ 2.2 — What configurations am I open to? Am I looking for a particular configuration because I’m afraid that others might be more scary or more threatening?

Photo by wooleywonderworks/CC BY

I am open to whatever configuration makes the most sense logistically and given the personalities of all involved.

It seems like folly to decide what structure I’m going to build without first having the component parts in hand.

Besides, every time I have tried to come up with some kind of tentative plan,  » Read more