Tag Archives: more than two

PQ 25.7 — Who else is affected by my decision to be out or closeted? Do I understand the effect my decision will have on them?

Page   September 23, 2018   Comments Off on PQ 25.7 — Who else is affected by my decision to be out or closeted? Do I understand the effect my decision will have on them?

PQ 25.7 — Who else is affected by my decision to be out or closeted? Do I understand the effect my decision will have on them?

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Before I dive into today’s question, I just wanted to make a quick note that **drum roll** THIS IS THE FINAL ESSAY IN THIS SERIES!!!!  » Read more

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PQ 12.4 — Do I trust my partner to consider my needs and well-being in his decisions about whether to stay in a relationship that is hurting me? Why or why not? If not, what can I do to improve that trust?

Page   October 28, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 12.4 — Do I trust my partner to consider my needs and well-being in his decisions about whether to stay in a relationship that is hurting me? Why or why not? If not, what can I do to improve that trust?

PQ 12.4 — Do I trust my partner to consider my needs and well-being in his decisions about whether to stay in a relationship that is hurting me? Why or why not? If not, what can I do to improve that trust?

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“Page,” he says. “I hate to ask this from you.  » Read more

The post PQ 12.4 — Do I trust my partner to consider my needs and well-being in his decisions about whether to stay in a relationship that is hurting me? Why or why not? If not, what can I do to improve that trust? appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 11.5 — Do I clearly understand both the letter and the intent of the rules that will apply to my relationship? Am I comfortable maintaining a relationship within those rules? Am I comfortable with the reasons for the rules?

Page   October 1, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 11.5 — Do I clearly understand both the letter and the intent of the rules that will apply to my relationship? Am I comfortable maintaining a relationship within those rules? Am I comfortable with the reasons for the rules?

PQ 11.5 — Do I clearly understand both the letter and the intent of the rules that will apply to my relationship? Am I comfortable maintaining a relationship within those rules? Am I comfortable with the reasons for the rules?

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In my time, I’ve known some folks with very brief relationship agreements.  » Read more

The post PQ 11.5 — Do I clearly understand both the letter and the intent of the rules that will apply to my relationship? Am I comfortable maintaining a relationship within those rules? Am I comfortable with the reasons for the rules? appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 10.4 — How is the agreement negotiated, and under what circumstances can it be renegotiated?

Page   September 3, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 10.4 — How is the agreement negotiated, and under what circumstances can it be renegotiated?

PQ 10.4 — How is the agreement negotiated, and under what circumstances can it be renegotiated?

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As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, there isn’t just one right way to form a polyamorous relationship agreement.

Bottom line: It’s about finding what works.

But there are some elements that successful relationship agreement negotiations tend to share.  » Read more

The post PQ 10.4 — How is the agreement negotiated, and under what circumstances can it be renegotiated? appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 9.10 — Do I feel I have no expectation of privacy in my other relationships?

Page   August 6, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 9.10 — Do I feel I have no expectation of privacy in my other relationships?

PQ 9.10 — Do I feel I have no expectation of privacy in my other relationships?

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I’ve written a bit about the importance of letting others have privacy in an earlier piece: Buttinski, #1 Metamour, or Compervert: Walking that Fine Line. As I wrote then:

While an overall atmosphere of transparency is a wonderful thing in polyamory (as it can promote understanding and build trust),  » Read more

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PQ 9.9 — Am I being asked to give up relationships with friends or family?

Page   August 5, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 9.9 — Am I being asked to give up relationships with friends or family?

PQ 9.9 — Am I being asked to give up relationships with friends or family?

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It’s funny. Back when I became monogamous with Seth, I didn’t give a single thought to my autonomy. When we got together, I basically stepped out of my own life and into his. When he didn’t like one of my friends,  » Read more

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PQ 8.5 — But What About the Flattering Jealousy?

Page   May 27, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 8.5 — But What About the Flattering Jealousy?

PQ. 8.5 — Do I believe that if I am not jealous, I don’t really love my partner?

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“All this work on unlearning jealousy and becoming emotionally secure is all fine and good,” she says. “But don’t you miss your partner getting jealous?”

I cock my head.  » Read more

The post PQ 8.5 — But What About the Flattering Jealousy? appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 8.1 — Am I worried that if someone “better” comes along, my partner will realize I’m not good enough and want to replace me?

Page   April 29, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 8.1 — Am I worried that if someone “better” comes along, my partner will realize I’m not good enough and want to replace me?

PQ 8.1 — Am I worried that if someone “better” comes along, my partner will realize I’m not good enough and want to replace me?

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Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing.

-Vince Lombardi

I wish to hell I’d never said the damned thing. I meant having a goal…I sure as hell didn’t mean for people to crush human values and morality.  » Read more

The post PQ 8.1 — Am I worried that if someone “better” comes along, my partner will realize I’m not good enough and want to replace me? appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 6.6 — Do I communicate authentically in ways that make me vulnerable?

Page   March 11, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 6.6 — Do I communicate authentically in ways that make me vulnerable?

PQ 6.6 — Do I communicate authentically in ways that make me vulnerable?

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I’m often asked, especially by newly polyamorous folks, if it’s possible to get better at dealing with stress that comes from adjusting to it all. Can we make peace with unhelpful social scripts we’ve learned from a society that overwhelmingly tells us that monogamy is the only reasonable,  » Read more

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PQ 6.3 — If my partners have a problem with someone else’s behavior, do I encourage them to bring it up with that person?

Page   March 4, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 6.3 — If my partners have a problem with someone else’s behavior, do I encourage them to bring it up with that person?

PQ 6.3 — If my partners have a problem with someone else’s behavior, do I encourage them to bring it up with that person?

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For as long as I can remember, I’ve been that person others feel safe telling things to.

It can have its benefits.  » Read more

The post PQ 6.3 — If my partners have a problem with someone else’s behavior, do I encourage them to bring it up with that person? appeared first on Poly.Land.