Tag Archives: monogamy

What Is Functional Monogamy?

Hi Page,

I’ve seen you use the term “functional monogamy” several times in your writing now. I think I know what it means, but I’m not sure. Care to explain? What is functional monogamy?

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Basically, functional monogamy is a term that describes the behavior of a person having one romantic and/or sexual partner at a time.  » Read more

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“I’m Sorry, But I Have a Boyfriend”

Page   January 24, 2019   Comments Off on “I’m Sorry, But I Have a Boyfriend”

Growing up, I had a really hard time saying no. Even when it was the appropriate response, it felt harsh coming out of my mouth. Wrong.

Like a lot of women, I’d been raised to default to compliance. Going along with whatever other people wanted. It was part of blending in. Being liked.  » Read more

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Polyamory Doesn’t Actually Need to Be Easy to Be Something Worth Pursuing

Page   October 29, 2018   Comments Off on Polyamory Doesn’t Actually Need to Be Easy to Be Something Worth Pursuing

There are some people who say that polyamory is objectively way easier than monogamy (or, the less far less commonly used term monamory, the desire or practice of having a single intimate relationship at a time, which is perhaps a more accurate opposite).

They insist that polyamory more closely mimics our natural state or that it’s simply easier to manage.  » Read more

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Polyamory Isn’t Selfish — And Here’s Why

Page   October 25, 2018   Comments Off on Polyamory Isn’t Selfish — And Here’s Why

“You know, Page,” she says. “Polyamory sounds so great in theory. It’s just…I can’t get past one thing: Even considering polyamory makes me feel so selfish.”

She brings up her own partner and says she imagines they might be uncomfortable with her having other lovers. She hasn’t asked them or anything, she says.  » Read more

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I’m Waaaaay Pickier About Partner Selection Now That I’m Polyamorous

Page   September 20, 2018   Comments Off on I’m Waaaaay Pickier About Partner Selection Now That I’m Polyamorous

As I’ve said many times in the past, I don’t do a lot of online dating. I tend to be unconventional in the way I meet partners these days. I chiefly meet folks incidentally through friends or through friends of friends. But I do participate in online dating every so often (albeit rarely, the last time was for a few weeks several years ago),  » Read more

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6 Things Jealousy Doesn’t Mean

Page   August 2, 2018   Comments Off on 6 Things Jealousy Doesn’t Mean

While jealousy may be a very strong emotional signal, it’s not a very specific one. As I’ve written before, it’s easy to panic when you experience jealousy, but it’s very much like a check engine light: Jealousy tells you that something is amiss but not what, exactly. And certainly how serious the issue is or how to really fix it.  » Read more

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Monogamy as a Choice Rather Than a Default: Do We Really Need Yet Another Way to Be Incompatible?

Page   May 28, 2018   Comments Off on Monogamy as a Choice Rather Than a Default: Do We Really Need Yet Another Way to Be Incompatible?

Hi Page,

I’ve been reading your blog for several months now. I like your writing because I feel like you talk about polyamory and monogamy in ways that are realistic and like you can understand a person pursuing either relationship style, so long as people are treating each other in a healthy way.   » Read more

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PQ 18.4 — Am I prepared to give my monogamous partner time and space to process his feelings about my polyamory?

Page   April 22, 2018   Comments Off on PQ 18.4 — Am I prepared to give my monogamous partner time and space to process his feelings about my polyamory?

PQ 18.4 — Am I prepared to give my monogamous partner time and space to process his feelings about my polyamory?

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It’s been a long time since I tried to date anyone who identified as monogamous. Really not since I was first polyamorous. And the reason for that back then was that I didn’t know that many other polyamorous people.  » Read more

The post PQ 18.4 — Am I prepared to give my monogamous partner time and space to process his feelings about my polyamory? appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 18.1 — Two Different Components of Monogamy: Not Wanting Multiple Partners & Not Wanting to Share

Page   April 14, 2018   Comments Off on PQ 18.1 — Two Different Components of Monogamy: Not Wanting Multiple Partners & Not Wanting to Share

PQ 18.1 — Why do I identify as monogamous? Is it because I only want one partner for myself, or because I want my partner to be only with me, or both?

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While sometimes we tend to treat monogamy like a unitary concept, it’s important to note that there are typically two separate desires driving a person’s preference to be monogamous:

  1. Not wanting to share a partner with other lovers.
  2.   » Read more

The post PQ 18.1 — Two Different Components of Monogamy: Not Wanting Multiple Partners & Not Wanting to Share appeared first on Poly.Land.

5 Reasons Why I Used to Hate My Partner’s Exes & Why I (Mostly) Don’t Anymore

Page   April 10, 2018   Comments Off on 5 Reasons Why I Used to Hate My Partner’s Exes & Why I (Mostly) Don’t Anymore

It doesn’t feel great to admit, but I used to bitterly dislike anyone my current partner had dated in the past. This boiled down to five reasons. The first four of these were fairly conscious reasons, ones I was aware of. The fifth one, not so much. Here they are:  » Read more

1. They hurt my partner.

The post 5 Reasons Why I Used to Hate My Partner’s Exes & Why I (Mostly) Don’t Anymore appeared first on Poly.Land.