Tag Archives: insecurity

If You’ve Ever Been Jealousy Baited, You’re Not Alone. And You’re Not Stupid for Trusting People.

I’ve been working through something very painful lately. Something that I’ve barely spoken about with anyone. Basically, just my nearest and dearest. And even with them, only sparingly.

Because it’s a mess. And I’m a mess about it.

But I’ve finally gotten to a place where I have enough closure that I can write an article about it,  » Read more

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It’s Not Easy to Balance Attachment and Autonomy

It’s a balance I’m yet to master, how to be attached just the right amount and in the just the right ways.

I’m used to being all alone on my own frequency. Used to taking years to wind up to a point where I feel brave enough to speak my truth, only to have it land on other people as absolute nonsense.  » Read more

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In Polyamory, Comfort Is a Huge Time-Saver

Page   May 9, 2018   Comments Off on In Polyamory, Comfort Is a Huge Time-Saver

One of the questions I’m most often asked by monogamous or polycurious people is “How do you have time for it all?”

Typically, my reflex is to dive into some time management principles. Talk about different frameworks that can help you to prioritize (for example, Eisenhower/Covey’s time management matrix). Perhaps I’ll discuss the 80/20 Pareto principle,  » Read more

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Getting Away from Comparisons: The Maze Is Different, So the Map Will Be, Too

Page   February 7, 2018   Comments Off on Getting Away from Comparisons: The Maze Is Different, So the Map Will Be, Too

Hi Page, I’ve been reading your blog for a long time. I particularly love your post on how to feel more secure in relationships. I did have one question though: How do you stop comparing yourself to others?  I know it’s not doing me any favors to worry about how I measure up to my partner’s other partners.   » Read more

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Demotion & Displacement: 2 More Things Jealousy Can Mean

Page   January 8, 2018   Comments Off on Demotion & Displacement: 2 More Things Jealousy Can Mean

As I’ve mentioned before, jealousy is a very strong emotional signal — but it’s not a very specific one.

It’s easy to panic when you experience jealousy, but it’s very much like a check engine light: Jealousy tells you that something is amiss but not what, exactly. And certainly not how serious the issue is.  » Read more

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PQ 12.1 — Under what circumstances do I feel it’s appropriate for me to use veto?

Page   October 15, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 12.1 — Under what circumstances do I feel it’s appropriate for me to use veto?

PQ 12.1 — Under what circumstances do I feel it’s appropriate for me to use veto?

*

Welcome to Chapter 12!

I futz about on Quora from time to time. Not as busy or as active as some, for sure, but occasionally I get on there and answer questions.  » Read more

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3 Ways of Being Polyamorous: Wanting, Having, Sharing

Page   October 9, 2017   Comments Off on 3 Ways of Being Polyamorous: Wanting, Having, Sharing

“So I’m seeing this guy,” she says. “And he says he’s poly, but…”

“But?”

“He’s so not okay with my seeing other people. He has a bunch of other partners. Seems like he falls in love every five minutes. But the second I look at someone else, he’s a mess.”  » Read more

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Unhelpful NRE Comparisons: “He’s Been Given What I Had to Earn”

Page   October 6, 2017   Comments Off on Unhelpful NRE Comparisons: “He’s Been Given What I Had to Earn”

“It just isn’t fair,” he says. “I see them falling in love so much faster than we did. This is zero to sixty in seconds, my partner and metamour.”

“Does the speed make you feel like you’re going to be replaced?” I ask.

“No, I’m actually not worried about that,”  » Read more

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PQ 11.1 — The Toothbrush, Making Room for New Things

Page   September 17, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 11.1 — The Toothbrush, Making Room for New Things

PQ 11.1 — How do I view potential partners, both for myself and for my existing partners? Do I see them as potential problems to be managed? Or do I see them as potential sources of joy to enrich my partner’s life? How does my approach to hierarchy reflect that view?

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It all started with a toothbrush.  » Read more

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Poly Shame Spiral: Swimming Through Water and Yelling at Ourselves for Getting Wet

Page   September 12, 2017   Comments Off on Poly Shame Spiral: Swimming Through Water and Yelling at Ourselves for Getting Wet

“Ugh, what is wrong with me? I’m so freaking bad at poly,” she says.

“Why do you say that?” I say.

“I’m the poly vet here. I should know what I’m doing,” she says.

“And you don’t?”

“I don’t. I feel like I did way back in the beginning,  » Read more

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