Tag Archives: identity

“Have You Ever Wanted to Give Up on Polyamory?”

Hey there! I’m new to poly, I’ve only been doing it for less than a year. I’ve been following your writings for that time and they’ve been a great help.

I still struggle with jealousy though, anxiety attacks, and just generally feeling terrible when my partner goes to explore new connections.  » Read more

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3 Ways of Being Polyamorous: Wanting, Having, Sharing

Page   October 9, 2017   Comments Off on 3 Ways of Being Polyamorous: Wanting, Having, Sharing

“So I’m seeing this guy,” she says. “And he says he’s poly, but…”

“But?”

“He’s so not okay with my seeing other people. He has a bunch of other partners. Seems like he falls in love every five minutes. But the second I look at someone else, he’s a mess.”  » Read more

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PQ 9.9 — Am I being asked to give up relationships with friends or family?

Page   August 5, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 9.9 — Am I being asked to give up relationships with friends or family?

PQ 9.9 — Am I being asked to give up relationships with friends or family?

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It’s funny. Back when I became monogamous with Seth, I didn’t give a single thought to my autonomy. When we got together, I basically stepped out of my own life and into his. When he didn’t like one of my friends,  » Read more

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Non-Monogamy Didn’t Save My Marriage…It Saved Me

Page   July 11, 2017   Comments Off on Non-Monogamy Didn’t Save My Marriage…It Saved Me

“Could Non-Monogamy Save Your Marriage?”

I’m asked this fairly often, if I think non-monogamy is a good way to fix a troubled relationship. And outsiders often assume that this is the major reason that relationships open up in the first place.

But it wasn’t that way for me at all. When Seth and I opened up,  » Read more

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“My Partner is a Reflection of Me”: Partner Choice as Self-Referendum

Page   March 18, 2017   Comments Off on “My Partner is a Reflection of Me”: Partner Choice as Self-Referendum

“My partner is a reflection of me,” she said.

“Oh?”

“What he does,” she continued. “Who he chooses to spend time with.”

“And your metamour?” I said.

“She’s not someone I’d have chosen for him. Not someone I’d choose for myself. Do you know what I mean?”  » Read more

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Post-Poly Exile: On Your Own in the In-Between

Page   February 13, 2017   Comments Off on Post-Poly Exile: On Your Own in the In-Between

You Can’t Un-Learn a Thing

Once upon a time, I hadn’t even heard of the word “polyamory.” But when a friend came out to me as polyamorous, that changed forever.

You can’t un-learn a thing.

It was a paradigm shift. I no longer saw a strict binary: Monogamy/non-monogamy. With monogamy, as the ideal goal,  » Read more

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Reddit Has Been Alarmingly Good for My Self-Esteem

Page   August 17, 2016   Comments Off on Reddit Has Been Alarmingly Good for My Self-Esteem

re: threeways I actually would advise anyone to not do it. It has a very high chance of going wrong. Very few people are truly secure enough with themselves and their relationship to pull it off. I was only saying that if OP really wants to cross it off the bucket list that is the […]

The Taxonomy of Cacti

Page   July 30, 2016   Comments Off on The Taxonomy of Cacti

It’s fairly easy to generate a plethora of positive-sounding reasons why someone might be a good fit for polyamory. You could be a person who loves freely, without boundaries, secure, set on enriching your own life and as many other lives as possible through unique personal connections, intent on having myriad intense life experiences. Me? […]

Unnaturally Poly

Page   July 15, 2016   Comments Off on Unnaturally Poly

A lot of my favorite poly bloggers share a similar story: They came to polyamory naturally. Monogamy just wasn’t a thing that they did well. Sure, they would try to fit themselves into that box, particularly when they came upon someone they truly cared about who expressed that exclusivity was important to them, signaled commitment. […]