There *Are* Asexual Polyamorous People, You Know

A lot of people assume that this idea that polyamory is about having loving, committed relationships is all a bunch of hooey.

Secretly, they argue, deep down inside, all polyamorists are looking for is sex. It’s about the sex. The ease of having more access to greater sexual variety. And the ability to have super adventurous experiences like orgies.  » Read more

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When It Comes Down to It, *Everyone* Is Sharing Their Partner

There are things you get used to hearing a lot when you’re in an open relationship. One of those is, “Oh, I could never do that. I wouldn’t want to share my partner.”

One common response to this a lot of people have tried is something like, “I don’t own my partner. I didn’t buy them.  » Read more

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“I’m Sorry, But I Have a Boyfriend”

Growing up, I had a really hard time saying no. Even when it was the appropriate response, it felt harsh coming out of my mouth. Wrong.

Like a lot of women, I’d been raised to default to compliance. Going along with whatever other people wanted. It was part of blending in. Being liked.  » Read more

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Can We Be Poly If Our Calendars Don’t Mesh?

Today’s piece is a guest blog post from W0ndercunt. A Dominant sadomasochist as well as a leader in her local kink community, she can be found on FetLife here.

Check out what she wrote for Poly Land today:

Can We Be Poly If Our Calendars Don’t Mesh?

I laid out a lot on our first date,  » Read more

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It’s Easy to Knock Polyamory If You Haven’t Seen Any Healthy Examples of It

Page   November 26, 2018   Comments Off on It’s Easy to Knock Polyamory If You Haven’t Seen Any Healthy Examples of It

It’s late into the party, likely the final quarter of it judging by the sharp drop-off in energy and attendance.  A lot of the guests have gone home. Most of the ones who are still here have gone inside. Out by the fire, it’s just me and my friend Z, the reverse canary,  » Read more

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I Have an Extreme, Possibly Irrational, Hatred of Online Dating

Page   November 21, 2018   Comments Off on I Have an Extreme, Possibly Irrational, Hatred of Online Dating

Confession: I have an extreme, possibly irrational, hatred of online dating.

I Didn’t Try Online Dating Until 2009 After I Had My First Polyamorous Relationships

I started my very first serious long-term monogamous relationship in the spring of 2001. Back then, online dating certainly existed, but not many people were using it. Online dating was a lot more niche —  » Read more

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Loving Multiple People Is Like Having More Channels on Your TV

Page   November 12, 2018   Comments Off on Loving Multiple People Is Like Having More Channels on Your TV

Growing up, I had a television in my bedroom. I’m not sure exactly where it came from — whether it was from my parents or one of my older sisters– but it was a hand-me-down. Obsolete and tiny. Black and white. We didn’t have cable in my house growing up, so the best case scenario started out limited to four channels.  » Read more

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Love Is Blind, But the Neighbors Aren’t

Page   November 9, 2018   Comments Off on Love Is Blind, But the Neighbors Aren’t

El amor es ciego, pero los vecinos no. 

(Love is blind, but the neighbors aren’t.)

-Spanish idiom

*

Sometimes I wonder what our neighbors must think of us. What they make of the cast of characters that shuffle in and out of our lives. The way strange cars idle in our driveway.  » Read more

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Whatever You Do, Don’t Mix Up Your Partners

Page   November 6, 2018   Comments Off on Whatever You Do, Don’t Mix Up Your Partners

I wrote an essay a few weeks ago called  I’m Sorry, I Had You Mixed Up with Someone Else. That piece is primarily about how difficult it is to recover from experiencing abuse and not let it affect your future relationships. Here’s an excerpt:

Ninety-five percent of me, ninety-five percent of the time knows that the past is the past and that I’m in a better place now.  » Read more

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Polyamory Doesn’t Actually Need to Be Easy to Be Something Worth Pursuing

Page   October 29, 2018   Comments Off on Polyamory Doesn’t Actually Need to Be Easy to Be Something Worth Pursuing

There are some people who say that polyamory is objectively way easier than monogamy (or, the less far less commonly used term monamory, the desire or practice of having a single intimate relationship at a time, which is perhaps a more accurate opposite).

They insist that polyamory more closely mimics our natural state or that it’s simply easier to manage.  » Read more

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