Monthly Archives: April 2018

PQ 18.6 — Are there limits on the concessions I will make, either in terms of what I will agree to or the time span of the agreement?

Page   April 29, 2018   Comments Off on PQ 18.6 — Are there limits on the concessions I will make, either in terms of what I will agree to or the time span of the agreement?

PQ 18.6 — Are there limits on the concessions I will make, either in terms of what I will agree to or the time span of the agreement?

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It’s not at all uncommon when someone is new to polyamory for them to want additional considerations in place, measures that, in effect,  » Read more

The post PQ 18.6 — Are there limits on the concessions I will make, either in terms of what I will agree to or the time span of the agreement? appeared first on Poly.Land.

Why I Publish a New Post Every Day

Page   April 24, 2018   Comments Off on Why I Publish a New Post Every Day

When I was brand new to polyamory, I read everything I could possibly get my hands on. I gobbled up every guidebook I could find on the subject. And when I was done reading those, I hit the Internet.

There wasn’t nearly as much out there in those days as there is now,  » Read more

The post Why I Publish a New Post Every Day appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 18.4 — Am I prepared to give my monogamous partner time and space to process his feelings about my polyamory?

Page   April 22, 2018   Comments Off on PQ 18.4 — Am I prepared to give my monogamous partner time and space to process his feelings about my polyamory?

PQ 18.4 — Am I prepared to give my monogamous partner time and space to process his feelings about my polyamory?

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It’s been a long time since I tried to date anyone who identified as monogamous. Really not since I was first polyamorous. And the reason for that back then was that I didn’t know that many other polyamorous people.  » Read more

The post PQ 18.4 — Am I prepared to give my monogamous partner time and space to process his feelings about my polyamory? appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 18.2 — Do I enjoy time to myself or without my partner? Do I have hobbies I enjoy alone or with others, and a social life that does not rely on my partner?

Page   April 15, 2018   Comments Off on PQ 18.2 — Do I enjoy time to myself or without my partner? Do I have hobbies I enjoy alone or with others, and a social life that does not rely on my partner?

PQ 18.2 — Do I enjoy time to myself or without my partner? Do I have hobbies I enjoy alone or with others, and a social life that does not rely on my partner?

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Having Time To Myself

In spite of the fact that I’m a polyamorous extrovert (labels that when combined scream “people person”),  » Read more

The post PQ 18.2 — Do I enjoy time to myself or without my partner? Do I have hobbies I enjoy alone or with others, and a social life that does not rely on my partner? appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 18.1 — Two Different Components of Monogamy: Not Wanting Multiple Partners & Not Wanting to Share

Page   April 14, 2018   Comments Off on PQ 18.1 — Two Different Components of Monogamy: Not Wanting Multiple Partners & Not Wanting to Share

PQ 18.1 — Why do I identify as monogamous? Is it because I only want one partner for myself, or because I want my partner to be only with me, or both?

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While sometimes we tend to treat monogamy like a unitary concept, it’s important to note that there are typically two separate desires driving a person’s preference to be monogamous:

  1. Not wanting to share a partner with other lovers.
  2.   » Read more

The post PQ 18.1 — Two Different Components of Monogamy: Not Wanting Multiple Partners & Not Wanting to Share appeared first on Poly.Land.

Polyamory Helped Me Ditch Codependence and Find Healthy Interdependence

Page   April 13, 2018   Comments Off on Polyamory Helped Me Ditch Codependence and Find Healthy Interdependence

Codependence is an overused term implying that normal partner interdependence is somehow dysfunctional.

The concept and terminology came out of the Alcoholics Anonymous movement; the addicted were seen as trapped in a web of dependency with others (their enablers, or codependents) who made excuses for and assisted the addicts in avoiding the consequences of their addiction,  » Read more

The post Polyamory Helped Me Ditch Codependence and Find Healthy Interdependence appeared first on Poly.Land.

It’s Freeing to Do Your Own Thing, Even When You’re Very Committed to Someone Else

Page   April 12, 2018   Comments Off on It’s Freeing to Do Your Own Thing, Even When You’re Very Committed to Someone Else

Recently, my nesting partner Justin decided to switch over to a low-fat diet. Since I normally serve as the official meal planner for our house, it’s been a big project. Especially because left to my own devices, I typically have two personal eating modes: 1. Low Carb or 2. Eating Like I’m on Death Row.  » Read more

The post It’s Freeing to Do Your Own Thing, Even When You’re Very Committed to Someone Else appeared first on Poly.Land.

5 Reasons Why I Used to Hate My Partner’s Exes & Why I (Mostly) Don’t Anymore

Page   April 10, 2018   Comments Off on 5 Reasons Why I Used to Hate My Partner’s Exes & Why I (Mostly) Don’t Anymore

It doesn’t feel great to admit, but I used to bitterly dislike anyone my current partner had dated in the past. This boiled down to five reasons. The first four of these were fairly conscious reasons, ones I was aware of. The fifth one, not so much. Here they are:  » Read more

1. They hurt my partner.

The post 5 Reasons Why I Used to Hate My Partner’s Exes & Why I (Mostly) Don’t Anymore appeared first on Poly.Land.

When It Comes to the Olympics of Love, I May Have Switched Sports

Page   April 5, 2018   Comments Off on When It Comes to the Olympics of Love, I May Have Switched Sports

Ro and I are having dinner. Talking about on-again, off-again relationships. Ones where the general shape of them look like a heartbeat on an EKG. A quick spasm of highs and lows, highs and lows.

“That’s not how mine look at all,” Ro says. She explains that hers are more of a line that goes up gradually but pretty much consistently.  » Read more

The post When It Comes to the Olympics of Love, I May Have Switched Sports appeared first on Poly.Land.

Polyamory Isn’t a Fear of Commitment. It’s a Love of Commitment.

Page   April 4, 2018   Comments Off on Polyamory Isn’t a Fear of Commitment. It’s a Love of Commitment.

“You’re polyamorous?” she says.

“Yes,” I say. “Does that surprise you?”

“Sorta,” she says. “It’s just… I never thought of you as someone with a fear of commitment.”

I laugh.

“What?” she asks me.

“I mean this with all the love in the world,” I say,  » Read more

The post Polyamory Isn’t a Fear of Commitment. It’s a Love of Commitment. appeared first on Poly.Land.