Monthly Archives: September 2017

Why I’m Not a Fan of One Penis Policy

Page   September 27, 2017   Comments Off on Why I’m Not a Fan of One Penis Policy

“I’d be okay with you getting a girlfriend. But no other dudes, okay?” he says.

“Okay,” she says. Outwardly, she smiles. She’s glad to have the freedom to pursue other women.

But as soon as he leaves the room, her smile starts to fade. She’s not sure what, but something doesn’t feel quite right.  » Read more

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Bisexuality, Islands of Desire, and Invisible Polyamory

Page   September 26, 2017   Comments Off on Bisexuality, Islands of Desire, and Invisible Polyamory

Invisible Polyamory

Skyspook and I have been charting my polyamorous web chart for the second book (coming soon). A map of my current relationship system, with all of my partners’ partners and so on. Taken as a whole, it looks hopelessly complicated.

But it never feels that way. These days it’s a pretty stable system.  » Read more

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Who Shouldn’t Be Polyamorous?

Page   September 25, 2017   Comments Off on Who Shouldn’t Be Polyamorous?

Today’s article is a guest blog post by Matthew Shadrake.

Matt is a polyamorous switch and a big ole softie. He has previously contributed 3 posts to Poly.Land:

  1. Twin Demons: How I Learned About Toxic Masculinity and Toxic Monogamy
  2. The Difference Between Having Preferences and Being a Prejudiced Asshole in Online Dating
  3. Firing a Gun Into a Dark Room: Strip Clubs,
  4.   » Read more

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PQ 11.3 — Am I open to secondary relationships someday becoming primary relationships, given enough time and investment?

Page   September 24, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 11.3 — Am I open to secondary relationships someday becoming primary relationships, given enough time and investment?

PQ 11.3 — Am I open to secondary relationships someday becoming primary relationships, given enough time and investment?

*

I remember the first time I planted flowers.

My first grade teacher sent us all home with seed packets. A wildflower variety. I was so excited. I walked to the edge of our property to a bare spot.  » Read more

The post PQ 11.3 — Am I open to secondary relationships someday becoming primary relationships, given enough time and investment? appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 11.2 — Are there specific assets, commitments or people (such as children) I am seeking to protect with a hierarchy? Can I imagine other avenues for achieving that protection?

Page   September 23, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 11.2 — Are there specific assets, commitments or people (such as children) I am seeking to protect with a hierarchy? Can I imagine other avenues for achieving that protection?

PQ 11.2 — Are there specific assets, commitments or people (such as children) I am seeking to protect with a hierarchy? Can I imagine other avenues for achieving that protection?

*

There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds.

-Gilbert K. Chesteron

Minoring in Anxiety

“I’m happy for her,  » Read more

The post PQ 11.2 — Are there specific assets, commitments or people (such as children) I am seeking to protect with a hierarchy? Can I imagine other avenues for achieving that protection? appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 11.1 — The Toothbrush, Making Room for New Things

Page   September 17, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 11.1 — The Toothbrush, Making Room for New Things

PQ 11.1 — How do I view potential partners, both for myself and for my existing partners? Do I see them as potential problems to be managed? Or do I see them as potential sources of joy to enrich my partner’s life? How does my approach to hierarchy reflect that view?

*

It all started with a toothbrush.  » Read more

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I Opened This Door. What If I Lose My Partner?

Page   September 15, 2017   Comments Off on I Opened This Door. What If I Lose My Partner?

“It’s been a rough time,” he says. “I’m adjusting the best I can, but…” He looks away.

I wait for him to finish.

“There’s a lot to adjust to,” he says. “She’s a different person with this much NRE. And I can’t help but notice how much faster they fell in love than we did.  » Read more

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Poly Shame Spiral: Swimming Through Water and Yelling at Ourselves for Getting Wet

Page   September 12, 2017   Comments Off on Poly Shame Spiral: Swimming Through Water and Yelling at Ourselves for Getting Wet

“Ugh, what is wrong with me? I’m so freaking bad at poly,” she says.

“Why do you say that?” I say.

“I’m the poly vet here. I should know what I’m doing,” she says.

“And you don’t?”

“I don’t. I feel like I did way back in the beginning,  » Read more

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PQ 10.6 — Do I feel like I need rules to feel safe? If so, will the rules actually keep me safe?

Page   September 10, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 10.6 — Do I feel like I need rules to feel safe? If so, will the rules actually keep me safe?

PQ 10.6 — Do I feel like I need rules to feel safe? If so, will the rules actually keep me safe?

*

Rules are funny.

I’ve written a few times about how disenchanted I am with polyamorous agreements with too many rules (e.g., in Rules Schmules,  » Read more

The post PQ 10.6 — Do I feel like I need rules to feel safe? If so, will the rules actually keep me safe? appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 10.5 — What happens if the agreement doesn’t work for my partners, or my partners’ partners?

Page   September 9, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 10.5 — What happens if the agreement doesn’t work for my partners, or my partners’ partners?

PQ 10.5 — What happens if the agreement doesn’t work for my partners, or my partners’ partners?

“If Your Calendar Shows That You’re Available, I Expect You to Be Here”

“I looked at your calendar. There wasn’t anything on it,” Michelle said.

“Ah,” I said, not sure where she was going.  » Read more

The post PQ 10.5 — What happens if the agreement doesn’t work for my partners, or my partners’ partners? appeared first on Poly.Land.