Monthly Archives: August 2017

With Great Power Comes Great Ambiguity: Towards More Realistic Relationship Agreements

skyspook   August 31, 2017   Comments Off on With Great Power Comes Great Ambiguity: Towards More Realistic Relationship Agreements

“Hold on,” he says. “I have to text my wife.”

We’re sitting together on their bed. I stare at the wall, bored. Why text her now? I thought we were having a good conversation.

And then it dawns on me. Their relationship agreement.

“Our one biggest rule is that we let the other know before we’re gonna have sex with someone else,”  » Read more

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Being Present Is a Choice, But a Good One

Page   August 30, 2017   Comments Off on Being Present Is a Choice, But a Good One

Emotional Labor Is a Choice

“What’s today’s post about?” he asks me.

“It’s about how polyamory can mean having to quickly shift gears emotionally,” I say. “Like when you have a good date with one partner and come home to another partner who is having a bad night and needs consoling.  » Read more

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I Fall in Love with Women Who Are How I’d Like to Be

Page   August 29, 2017   Comments Off on I Fall in Love with Women Who Are How I’d Like to Be

Can anyone remember love? It’s like trying to summon up the smell of roses in a cellar. You might see a rose, but never the perfume.

-Arthur Miller

Ro’s Perfume

I leave Ro’s, my entire body thrumming. Still smelling her perfume.

We’ve been talking about nonhormonal contraception. Harry Chapin’s songs.  » Read more

The post I Fall in Love with Women Who Are How I’d Like to Be appeared first on Poly.Land.

15 Open Relationship Rules That Make Basically No Sense

Page   August 28, 2017   Comments Off on 15 Open Relationship Rules That Make Basically No Sense

Today’s post is a guest blog post from my dear friend John. Because I’m kind of an A-hole friend, I shared with him an agony-inducing article from the folks at LovePanky called “15 Open Relationship Rules for a Better Love Life.”

Once John stopped raging at its content, he produced the following writeup.  » Read more

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It’s Tough Being the Opener to the Opening Act

Page   August 24, 2017   Comments Off on It’s Tough Being the Opener to the Opening Act

It’s tough being the opener to the opening act.

The lead singer handles it all with grace: It’s a subdued crowd. Half the audience is at concessions. Fueling up for the rest of the show. Getting their crab fries and Cokes before the band they came to see goes on.

Only one woman in the entire amphitheater is standing up.  » Read more

The post It’s Tough Being the Opener to the Opening Act appeared first on Poly.Land.

Submission Gap: Masterless and Longing for Certainty

Page   August 23, 2017   Comments Off on Submission Gap: Masterless and Longing for Certainty

“Peoples once accustomed to masters are not in a condition to do without them.”

-Jean Jacques-Rousseau, Discourse on the Origin of Equality

Abusive Certainty

The thing I loved about Kurt was what scared me most about him: I never knew which version of him I was going to get.  » Read more

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Polyamorous Hinge Problems: Shifting Gears Quickly

Page   August 22, 2017   Comments Off on Polyamorous Hinge Problems: Shifting Gears Quickly

People make a lot of assumptions about how polyamory would be a different way to live. Typically they assume it’s something having to do with being more jealous. And I never found that to be the case (and neither has research, which shows that folks in monogamous relationships tend to experience more jealousy than those in consensually non-monogamous ones).  » Read more

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My Husband Wants Me to Spend More Time with My Boyfriend

Page   August 15, 2017   Comments Off on My Husband Wants Me to Spend More Time with My Boyfriend

“I’ve been polyamorous for years,” she says. “And we’ve done so many things together. Wild adventures. I’ve seen her do sexual stuff plenty of times with others. It never bothered me. But I walked in on them in each other’s arms and… ugh.”

“And it pulled at you?” I say, nodding.  » Read more

The post My Husband Wants Me to Spend More Time with My Boyfriend appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 9.12 — Am I asked to “respect” my partner or her other partners, but feel that this respect is not reciprocated?

Page   August 13, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 9.12 — Am I asked to “respect” my partner or her other partners, but feel that this respect is not reciprocated?

PQ 9.12 — Am I asked to “respect” my partner or her other partners, but feel that this respect is not reciprocated?

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There’s a great quote that has been flying around the Internet the past couple of years about respect:

Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person”  » Read more

The post PQ 9.12 — Am I asked to “respect” my partner or her other partners, but feel that this respect is not reciprocated? appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 9.11 — Do I feel that my partner considers me inferior to him or his other partners?

Page   August 12, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 9.11 — Do I feel that my partner considers me inferior to him or his other partners?

PQ 9.11 — Do I feel that my partner considers me inferior to him or his other partners?

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“I wasn’t sure who… you were with,” the new girl says hesitantly, with a gentle emphasis on the last word. Her eyes dart from Skyspook to CC and back again.  » Read more

The post PQ 9.11 — Do I feel that my partner considers me inferior to him or his other partners? appeared first on Poly.Land.