Monthly Archives: June 2017

Real Cheating Is Not Honoring Social Reciprocity: Hypocrisy and Lopsided Consideration

Page   June 28, 2017   Comments Off on Real Cheating Is Not Honoring Social Reciprocity: Hypocrisy and Lopsided Consideration

What man loses by the social contract is his natural liberty and an unlimited right to everything he tries to get and succeeds in getting; what he gains is civil liberty and the proprietorship of all he possesses.

It is in order not to become victim of an assassin that we consent to die if we become assassins.  » Read more

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PQ 8.9 — Do I believe that other people are willing to do sexual things that I’m not willing to do, and therefore my partner will like having sex with them better?

Page   June 25, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 8.9 — Do I believe that other people are willing to do sexual things that I’m not willing to do, and therefore my partner will like having sex with them better?

PQ 8.9 — Do I believe that other people are willing to do sexual things that I’m not willing to do, and therefore my partner will like having sex with them better?

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Not willing?

No, nothing like that.

I know this may be different for a lot of people.  » Read more

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The Sex Trap: What Polyamorous People Do Versus What Monogamous People Think We Do

Page   June 24, 2017   Comments Off on The Sex Trap: What Polyamorous People Do Versus What Monogamous People Think We Do

Today’s post is a guest blog post from Daphne Matthews.

Daphne is a former journalist who has been involved in various BDSM communities for over a decade, including time in leadership. She is the author of The Gambler series of books: Backed Into a Hand, Aces and Spades,  » Read more

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Polyamory for Misanthropes: No Kumbaya? No Problem

Page   June 23, 2017   Comments Off on Polyamory for Misanthropes: No Kumbaya? No Problem

“Do unto others twenty-five percent better than you expect them to do unto you…The twenty-five percent is for error.”

-Linus Pauling

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“I guess that’s what’s making me sick about polyamory. The idea that I need to love everyone,” she says.

I frown. “Who told you that you need to love everyone?”  » Read more

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The Crumple Zone: Partners Who Bear the Impact

Page   June 22, 2017   Comments Off on The Crumple Zone: Partners Who Bear the Impact

crumple zone: noun

a section of an automobile body designed to absorb the force of an impact in order to protect the passengers (Merriam-Webster)

a part of a motor vehicle, especially the extreme front end and rear, designed to crumple easily in a crash and absorb the main force impact (Google)

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I’ve written a few times about polyamory and emotional labor:

I’m yet to find a polyamorous relationship system that extends beyond a few folks that hasn’t occasionally run into these patterns of uneven one-sided emotional labor.  » Read more

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PQ 8.8 — More Glue, Please! Sex, Intimacy, and Reinforcing a Relationship Through Collateral Attachment

Page   June 18, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 8.8 — More Glue, Please! Sex, Intimacy, and Reinforcing a Relationship Through Collateral Attachment

PQ 8.8 — Is sex the glue that holds our relationship together? If my partner has sex with someone else, do I think the relationship will come unglued?

*

As I mentioned before, I’m hypersexual. And a large part of my personal development re: relationships has been learning to control my libido.  » Read more

The post PQ 8.8 — More Glue, Please! Sex, Intimacy, and Reinforcing a Relationship Through Collateral Attachment appeared first on Poly.Land.

The Lost Art of Wingmanship: Matchmaking While Polyamorous

Page   June 14, 2017   Comments Off on The Lost Art of Wingmanship: Matchmaking While Polyamorous

You might think polyamory is wonderful for folks who want to date a lot. And this is true. Predictably, a philosophy that espouses the practice of having simultaneous loving relationships is a good fit for people who want to have them.

But here’s the secret:

Poly is even better for folks who enjoy playing matchmaker.  » Read more

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Are Open Relationships Less Sexually Satisfying or Is Dating?: An Alternate Hypothesis

Page   June 13, 2017   Comments Off on Are Open Relationships Less Sexually Satisfying or Is Dating?: An Alternate Hypothesis

Quartz recently published a piece called “Turns out open relationships aren’t the most sexually satisfying.”

As Cassie Werber writes in the article:

Opening up a relationship can be about more than sex. Advocates talk about the deep trust forged by letting one’s partner have other relationships,  » Read more

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Icing, Simmering, or Balancing Multiple Priorities? Another Way Polyamory Requires Trust

Page   June 8, 2017   Comments Off on Icing, Simmering, or Balancing Multiple Priorities? Another Way Polyamory Requires Trust

I recently stumbled across a post over at Esther Perel’s blog called “Relationship accountability and the rise of ghosting.” Post author Lindsay addresses consequences of the trend towards ambiguous entanglement and indirect and prolonged breakups and argues for more direct breakups, which they dub “power parting.”

It’s a good article with valid points and includes this chart that helpfully organizes the concepts.  » Read more

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Stigma, Funding, and Getting Off the Fringe: An Interview with Dr. Terri Conley

Page   June 7, 2017   Comments Off on Stigma, Funding, and Getting Off the Fringe: An Interview with Dr. Terri Conley

If you’re an ethically nonmonogamous person and haven’t heard of Terri Conley, PhD, you’re missing out. Dr. Conley is “a social psychologist, a feminist, and a sex researcher, but not necessarily in that order.”

And Conley has arguably done more than any other person for establishing a sound scientific basis that polyamory and other forms of consensual nonmonogamy are a viable way to conduct relationships.  » Read more

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