Monthly Archives: April 2017

Polyamory Toolbox: The Good Roommate Standard

Page   April 30, 2017   Comments Off on Polyamory Toolbox: The Good Roommate Standard

When I opened up a relationship that had been monogamous for 8 years, I was prepared to feel jealous. But what I wasn’t prepared for? The radical shift in my thinking about that relationship. We both became much more autonomous. And it was a large adjustment getting used to our increased autonomy.

Prior to discovering polyamory,  » Read more

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PQ 8.1 — Am I worried that if someone “better” comes along, my partner will realize I’m not good enough and want to replace me?

Page   April 29, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 8.1 — Am I worried that if someone “better” comes along, my partner will realize I’m not good enough and want to replace me?

PQ 8.1 — Am I worried that if someone “better” comes along, my partner will realize I’m not good enough and want to replace me?

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Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing.

-Vince Lombardi

I wish to hell I’d never said the damned thing. I meant having a goal…I sure as hell didn’t mean for people to crush human values and morality.  » Read more

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Poly Road Testing for Responsible Travelers

Page   April 28, 2017   Comments Off on Poly Road Testing for Responsible Travelers

So You Want to Open Your Relationship, What Next?

I had read all about New Relationship Energy (NRE) before diving in to polyamory. Those new, shiny feelings that happen when you first start dating someone. When your partner feels NRE for someone new, it can be deeply terrifying. Especially when you’re new to polyamory and in a relationship that was previously monogamous and not yet Poly Road Tested.  » Read more

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What’s Mono/Poly?: A Basic Introduction

Page   April 26, 2017   Comments Off on What’s Mono/Poly?: A Basic Introduction

I really enjoyed your recent post on viewing monogamy and polyamory as a spectrum. It made me realize I don’t know a lot about mono/poly. What are some common reasons people are in mono/poly relationships? Can it work? Can it be fair? Or does the monogamous person just suffer all the time?  » Read more

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Dating the Wrong Couple is Like Taking Two Cats to the Vet

Page   April 25, 2017   Comments Off on Dating the Wrong Couple is Like Taking Two Cats to the Vet

Cat Math: Two Plus Three Equals… Three

I once was friends with a guy who had five cats. “But really,” he said. “Having five cats is more like having three.”

“How do you figure?’ I asked, imagining the potential yowling in the middle of the night as his cats all fight for territory.  » Read more

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Polyamory Toolbox: Wearing the Friend Hat

Page   April 22, 2017   Comments Off on Polyamory Toolbox: Wearing the Friend Hat

Part of what can feel daunting when trying to navigate polyamorous relationships is how few cultural models we have for a lot of what happens.

How are we supposed to act when we’re sharing a romantic partner with others? And how should we interact with our metamours (i.e., our partner’s other partners)?

Popular depictions of love triangles are profoundly unhelpful.  » Read more

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The Other Woman? Was Who I Became: Autonomy Threat in Relationships

Page   April 21, 2017   Comments Off on The Other Woman? Was Who I Became: Autonomy Threat in Relationships

They check your phone whenever you leave it lying around.

“Who’s this?” they want to know. “And why did they text you a smiley in the middle of the night?”

They bristle when the waitstaff smiles at you. “Don’t think I didn’t see that!”

“See what? They were just being friendly.”  » Read more

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Martin Under the Bridge: Polyamory, Check-Ins, and Concern Trolling

Page   April 19, 2017   Comments Off on Martin Under the Bridge: Polyamory, Check-Ins, and Concern Trolling

Check-Ins and the Threat of Concern Trolling

“So you check in with your partners about stuff before you do it?”

“Sure do,” I say. “My current agreement doesn’t require me to, but I think it’s not a bad practice to give people a heads up. Y’know, considerate.”

“Okay. So let’s say you want to date someone.  » Read more

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To Make Mono/Poly Easier, View Monogamy and Polyamory as a Spectrum, Not a Binary

Page   April 17, 2017   Comments Off on To Make Mono/Poly Easier, View Monogamy and Polyamory as a Spectrum, Not a Binary

Mono/poly relationships (i.e., pairings in which one partner is monogamous and the other is polyamorous) are famously difficult.

While there are many factors, we do ourselves no favors by viewing monogamy and polyamory as polar opposites rather than as points on the same spectrum.

Consider this: It’s difficult to find a workable middle between two things if you’re convinced that one can’t possibly exist.  » Read more

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Open Relationships Aren’t Just for Promiscuous People

Page   April 15, 2017   Comments Off on Open Relationships Aren’t Just for Promiscuous People

“So this couple I know is poly now. I never would have thought they’d open up,” she says.

“Why is that?” I ask.

“Well, they’re really tame. Neither of them has slept with very many people. I think she’s his first, and he’s her second,” she replies.

“And it surprises you that they opened up?”  » Read more

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