Monthly Archives: February 2017

7 Ways to Keep Love Alive and Make an Old Relationship Feel New

Page   February 21, 2017   Comments Off on 7 Ways to Keep Love Alive and Make an Old Relationship Feel New

When you first start dating someone, everything is new and exciting. And then after a while, even a great relationship has a way of becoming routine. Even predictable.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Here are 7 ways to make an old relationship feel shiny and new:  » Read more

1.

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“Couple is Confused by Polyamorous Friends,” an Alternative Answer

Page   February 17, 2017   Comments Off on “Couple is Confused by Polyamorous Friends,” an Alternative Answer

I came across the following question in Amy’s Dickinson’s advice column for the Boston Globe:

Q. My husband and I recently discovered that our closest friends (another couple) are having an open relationship. They say they are “polyamorous.”

I am having a very hard time accepting this.  » Read more

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PQ 5.7 — Are the choices I make in alignment with these values?

Page   February 16, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 5.7 — Are the choices I make in alignment with these values?

PQ 5.7 — Are the choices I make in alignment with these values [the values that are most important in myself and others]?

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For the most part, I do a pretty okay job making choices that are consistent with my values. This is a good thing as it causes me a fair bit of distress whenever I depart from my values.  » Read more

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The Curious Case of the Unicorn Exchange Program

Page   February 15, 2017   Comments Off on The Curious Case of the Unicorn Exchange Program

“I’m sorry. I fucked up,” I say. And in the next breath I’m sobbing. “I really fucked up,” I say, once I catch my breath.

“Yeah, you really did,” Skyspook says in the darkness. I can’t see his face, but I know he’s frowning.

He pauses for what seems like forever.  » Read more

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Post-Poly Exile: On Your Own in the In-Between

Page   February 13, 2017   Comments Off on Post-Poly Exile: On Your Own in the In-Between

You Can’t Un-Learn a Thing

Once upon a time, I hadn’t even heard of the word “polyamory.” But when a friend came out to me as polyamorous, that changed forever.

You can’t un-learn a thing.

It was a paradigm shift. I no longer saw a strict binary: Monogamy/non-monogamy. With monogamy, as the ideal goal,  » Read more

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“What Turned You Poly?”: Grilled Cheese, Clerics, and Vampires

Page   February 11, 2017   Comments Off on “What Turned You Poly?”: Grilled Cheese, Clerics, and Vampires

I stare at the question on my screen.

You’ve been clear that you aren’t of the “I’ve always been poly” school. In that case, what turned you poly?

And maybe it’s because I’m exhausted, but I laugh so hard I scare my cat.

“What turned me poly?”  » Read more

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PQ 5.4 — When I think about the future, what does it look like? Is there room for change and growth?

Page   February 9, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 5.4 — When I think about the future, what does it look like? Is there room for change and growth?

PQ 5.4 — When I think about the future, what does it look like? Is there room for change and growth? (see also 2.4 and 2.5)

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Chapter 5 is turning into the repeat-y-est chapter to date as far as questions I’ve already pretty much answered. Here are PQ 2.4 and PQ 2.5,  » Read more

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Why It’s Hard for Me to Judge Unicorn Hunters

Page   February 8, 2017   Comments Off on Why It’s Hard for Me to Judge Unicorn Hunters

“Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.”

-Minna Antrim

Whatever You Do, Don’t Be a Ferengi

“Oh great,” my friend says. “Another married couple newly opened up. How original.”

I smile. But uncomfortably. Wondering if my friend judges me for my past. She’s solo poly,  » Read more

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I Disliked Them the Moment I Met Them: Transference and Jealousy

Page   February 6, 2017   Comments Off on I Disliked Them the Moment I Met Them: Transference and Jealousy

Sometimes we meet someone, and for no clear reason, we dislike them instantly. Or we’re incredibly jealous of them. Sometimes it’s both.

We do not come into relationships unbiased. Instead, we enter them as a collection of all of our life experiences. And those we vicariously witness. Through the lives of those close to us.  » Read more

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When the Kitten Grows into a Cat, Don’t You Still Love it?

Page   February 4, 2017   Comments Off on When the Kitten Grows into a Cat, Don’t You Still Love it?

“So how do you keep the love alive?” she asks me.

It takes me a second to realize she’s talking to me.

“Keep the love alive?” I ask.

“Well, you know, after a while a relationship has a way of becoming… routine. Predictable,” she says.

“Oh sure,”  » Read more

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