Monthly Archives: January 2017

PQ 4.2 — What do I consider essential, indispensable elements of a relationship?

Page   January 22, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 4.2 — What do I consider essential, indispensable elements of a relationship?

PQ 4.2 — What do I consider essential, indispensable elements of a relationship?

*

I used to be a big checklist person when it came to partner selection — it was easy for me to list the elements of a “dream partner.” And I expected others to evaluate me in turn.  » Read more

The post PQ 4.2 — What do I consider essential, indispensable elements of a relationship? appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 4.1 — Why do I have romantic relationships? What do I get out of them?

Page   January 19, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 4.1 — Why do I have romantic relationships? What do I get out of them?

PQ 4.1 — Why do I have romantic relationships? What do I get out of them?

*

“Romance is stupid,” Seth said. “Everyone knows it’s just something Hallmark made up to sell more cards.”

“Really?” I said. It explained a lot but didn’t feel good to hear him say.  » Read more

The post PQ 4.1 — Why do I have romantic relationships? What do I get out of them? appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 3.5 — Am I imposing consequences that will make others feel unsafe saying no to me?

Page   January 15, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 3.5 — Am I imposing consequences that will make others feel unsafe saying no to me?

PQ 3.5 — Am I imposing consequences that will make others feel unsafe saying no to me?

*

When I first started talking with Rob, I knew that he and his wife Michelle had been polyamorous for about 8 years. I myself had only been at it a year. Although it had been a truly exciting year.  » Read more

The post PQ 3.5 — Am I imposing consequences that will make others feel unsafe saying no to me? appeared first on Poly.Land.

Enter the Unicorn: NRE vs. ORE, from Bruce Lee, Unlikely Poly Master

Page   January 14, 2017   Comments Off on Enter the Unicorn: NRE vs. ORE, from Bruce Lee, Unlikely Poly Master

“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.”

-Bruce Lee

Bruce Lee, Unlikely Polyamory Master

Oh Bruce Lee,  » Read more

The post Enter the Unicorn: NRE vs. ORE, from Bruce Lee, Unlikely Poly Master appeared first on Poly.Land.

Home Alone? No Worries, Take Yourself on a Date

Page   January 13, 2017   Comments Off on Home Alone? No Worries, Take Yourself on a Date

One of the hardest things I had to get used to when I opened up my marriage to Seth?

Being okay with being alone for the night.

It’s funny how you get used to always having another person around.

With Seth, the difference was particularly striking. At that time,  » Read more

The post Home Alone? No Worries, Take Yourself on a Date appeared first on Poly.Land.

Stop Worrying If Things Are Even, or You’ll End Up With a Sad Shrub

Page   January 11, 2017   Comments Off on Stop Worrying If Things Are Even, or You’ll End Up With a Sad Shrub

It’s a dangerous road to travel down, comparing yourself to others. It might just be the biggest no-no in polyamory.

Many of us know we shouldn’t be playing the “better this way, better that way” game with our metamours. Wondering how we stack up against the “competition” (and indeed competition and zero sum thinking can be really bad for us).  » Read more

The post Stop Worrying If Things Are Even, or You’ll End Up With a Sad Shrub appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 3.4 — Am I seeking to have my needs met at the expense of the well-being of others?

Page   January 8, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 3.4 — Am I seeking to have my needs met at the expense of the well-being of others?

PQ 3.4 — Am I seeking to have my needs met at the expense of the well-being of others?

*

This is another one of the chapter-end questions that seems to be leading the reader towards a few defined paths. It isn’t set up well for an essay, at least not an interesting one.  » Read more

The post PQ 3.4 — Am I seeking to have my needs met at the expense of the well-being of others? appeared first on Poly.Land.

It’s Not a Cure-All: 8 Things Polyamory Doesn’t Fix

Page   January 4, 2017   Comments Off on It’s Not a Cure-All: 8 Things Polyamory Doesn’t Fix

I’ll admit it. I think polyamory is pretty awesome. But what isn’t awesome? Unrealistic expectations.

Unfortunately, a lot of folks new to polyamory approach it expecting it to be a cure-all for their relationship issues.

Here are 8 things that polyamory doesn’t fix:

1. Polyamory Doesn’t Get Rid of Breakups

In fact,  » Read more

The post It’s Not a Cure-All: 8 Things Polyamory Doesn’t Fix appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 3.3 — Veto Power: Are You Their Parent or Their Partner?

Page   January 2, 2017   Comments Off on PQ 3.3 — Veto Power: Are You Their Parent or Their Partner?

PQ 3.3 — Does my decision impose obligations or expectations on others without their input or consent?

*

That distinction between setting a personal boundary and controlling behavior? It’s a paradox. In some ways, it’s so simple. Asserting boundaries is about establishing what you are or are not okay with.  » Read more

The post PQ 3.3 — Veto Power: Are You Their Parent or Their Partner? appeared first on Poly.Land.