Monthly Archives: November 2016

Dr. Strangekink: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Whip

Page   November 30, 2016   Comments Off on Dr. Strangekink: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Whip

The brief moment between the swing and the sting of the dressage whip spans eons. Sometimes he’s a bastard and swings it so I’ll hear it and think the pain is coming, just so he can watch me wince. Like Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown at the last second.

But not this time.  » Read more

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Bingo! Poly in Name Only: Mono x 2, 3, or More

Page   November 27, 2016   Comments Off on Bingo! Poly in Name Only: Mono x 2, 3, or More

I’ve seen it play out dozens of times. A nice young couple discovers polyamory. At last one half is terribly excited. The other half might be reluctant to explore at first, but after extended processing and assurances, it’s all systems go. Off to the races!

Our heroes give this new relationship philosophy everything they’ve got.  » Read more

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Queer, There, Everywhere: Upstaged by Dudes

Page   November 25, 2016   Comments Off on Queer, There, Everywhere: Upstaged by Dudes

“It’s nothing personal, Page,” she says.

We’re sitting in my car. My tiny blue compact, grandma-ed out with a black car bra. Her skin is glowing softly in the parking lot lights flooding into the backseat and just gracing her face.

“What do you mean ‘it’s nothing personal?’” I reply. “You don’t feel the same way about me that I do about you.  » Read more

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Atheism and Poly: What’s Stopping You?

Page   November 23, 2016   Comments Off on Atheism and Poly: What’s Stopping You?

“I get that you’re poly and all, and you seem happy enough,” she says, “It’s just…”

“Just?”

“Well, what’s to stop any of you from running off with a new person the minute you fall in love? New people can be awfully shiny.”

I smile. “They sure can.”

“Seriously though,”  » Read more

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Emotional Whack-a-Mole: You Can’t Hide from Disappointment

Page   November 17, 2016   Comments Off on Emotional Whack-a-Mole: You Can’t Hide from Disappointment

“I think Rob is more in love with the idea of having a girlfriend than actually in love with me,” I said.

I could hear Skyspook’s breathing change. This was dangerous territory. My words were my truth, sure, but they were also a kind of betrayal.

The funny thing about polyamory,  » Read more

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Unicorn Ranchers: Don’t Hunt, Create a Sanctuary

Page   November 14, 2016   Comments Off on Unicorn Ranchers: Don’t Hunt, Create a Sanctuary

Unicorn hunters get a bum rap in polyamory, despite being very common, especially among poly newbies. A “unicorn” is a polyamorous, bisexual woman who will date both members of a couple. The couple that opens up a previously closed relationship and is looking for this unicorn to form a 3-person relationship, they’re the unicorn hunters.  » Read more

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Compersion IS Empathy: Aiming for Joy

Page   November 13, 2016   Comments Off on Compersion IS Empathy: Aiming for Joy

Compersion is Empathy

When you get down to it, compersion (i.e., delight in the happiness of others) is just a very specific kind of empathy, one that runs counter to our cultural expectations.

Now, I’m not trying to take away all the fun words. I love neologisms as much as the next person.  » Read more

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Body Polytic: Why Poly People Don’t Like Being Called Swingers

Page   November 12, 2016   Comments Off on Body Polytic: Why Poly People Don’t Like Being Called Swingers

One of the most common questions I run into as I talk with polyamorous folks and frequent forums is: Why do poly people get upset when you call them swingers? What’s so bad about being a swinger?

I’ve struggled with this question a lot myself. I used to get really upset when people would call me a swinger.  » Read more

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Underdater, Rejoice: Enjoy that Free Bandwidth!

Page   November 10, 2016   Comments Off on Underdater, Rejoice: Enjoy that Free Bandwidth!

“So I know it might sound a little weird,” she said. “But I’m basically mono/poly right now. I mean, I’m not. I could totally see someone when he goes out with my metamours. It’s not that I’m opposed or anything. But I’m taking all the time I would be dating other people and doing other stuff.”  » Read more

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Secret Makeouts: In Defense of Spontaneity

Page   November 5, 2016   Comments Off on Secret Makeouts: In Defense of Spontaneity

“So I’m gonna warn you up front,” I said. “I’m the queen of secret makeouts.”

“The Secret Makeouts, eh?” he said. “Hawt. Guess I missed the best volume of the Hardy Boys.”

“I wanted to let you know because it can be difficult for some people.”

“Okay,  » Read more

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