Monthly Archives: October 2016

Toxic Monogamy, Why Mono/Poly (and Poly) is Hard

Page   October 31, 2016   Comments Off on Toxic Monogamy, Why Mono/Poly (and Poly) is Hard

Poly/mono relationships, i.e., a relationship between a partner who is monogamous and one who is polyamorous, are notoriously difficult. Traditional poly blogger wisdom points the finger at both parties having to compromise and feeling somewhat shortchanged. The difference between the relationship structures is to blame for the trouble, they write. But I think it’s even simpler than that.  » Read more

The post Toxic Monogamy, Why Mono/Poly (and Poly) is Hard appeared first on Poly.Land.

Shopping on a Full Stomach: Desperation & Choices

Page   October 30, 2016   Comments Off on Shopping on a Full Stomach: Desperation & Choices

They tell you never to go the grocery store hungry. You’ll careen the aisles, salivating like a ravenous wildebeest, sweeping entire shelves of food into your cart. And we’re not talking celery sticks. This becomes the time when we see exactly how many metric tons of Doritos we can cram into a shopping cart. And queso.  » Read more

The post Shopping on a Full Stomach: Desperation & Choices appeared first on Poly.Land.

People Pleasing & Poly: Resentment and Broken Promises

Page   October 28, 2016   Comments Off on People Pleasing & Poly: Resentment and Broken Promises

“I’m a people pleaser,” they say. “I can’t help myself. When I see someone wants something, I have to give it to them. I need to make people happy.” And it sounds like a good thing, at least on the surface. What could possibly be wrong with people pleasing?

Plenty, it turns out.  » Read more

The post People Pleasing & Poly: Resentment and Broken Promises appeared first on Poly.Land.

Poly Love Languages: A Poly Land Field Guide

Page   October 25, 2016   Comments Off on Poly Love Languages: A Poly Land Field Guide

When you are traversing the wilds of Poly Land, you’ll surely encounter many loving folks. However, not everyone you meet will show their love in the same way. That’s why it’s important to know the poly love languages — not only your own but those of everyone you love. To make this even easier we’ve written another quiz!  » Read more

The post Poly Love Languages: A Poly Land Field Guide appeared first on Poly.Land.

Polyamorous Wedding Ceremony: The Ties that Bind

Page   October 24, 2016   Comments Off on Polyamorous Wedding Ceremony: The Ties that Bind

When Skyspook and I married in 2012, it was against an unusual backdrop. I was divorced and had already done the traditional “forsaking all others, til death do us part” wedding ceremony. We all saw how that turned out. I knew this time I wanted to things a little differently and have a polyamorous wedding ceremony.  » Read more

The post Polyamorous Wedding Ceremony: The Ties that Bind appeared first on Poly.Land.

Actually into Women: A Bisexual Miracle

Page   October 22, 2016   Comments Off on Actually into Women: A Bisexual Miracle

I wasn’t the same woman after it happened, after I slept with a bisexual poly woman who wanted me just as much as I wanted her.

She was so incredibly soft. Her body slipped over me like a silk sheet as we rocked together, to waves only we felt.

I swam under her.  » Read more

The post Actually into Women: A Bisexual Miracle appeared first on Poly.Land.

Controlling Through Denial: “That’s Not What I Said”

Page   October 21, 2016   Comments Off on Controlling Through Denial: “That’s Not What I Said”

“I need you to come to the office as soon as you can,” my editor said.

“O-o-h okay,” I stammered. After all, the phone call was pretty confusing. Usually he emailed me.

“And bring your tapes,” he said, before hanging up.

I was there within the hour and handed him the cassette tape from my last assignment.  » Read more

The post Controlling Through Denial: “That’s Not What I Said” appeared first on Poly.Land.

Poly Sherpa: Guiding (and Sometimes Loving) Beginners

Page   October 20, 2016   Comments Off on Poly Sherpa: Guiding (and Sometimes Loving) Beginners

“I feel like you’re my poly sherpa,”¹  he said.

I flushed. “Hope that’s a good thing.”

“Good? No, it’s great.”  He had wanted to try polyamory for a long time, even been in a technically poly relationship, but in name only.

Now he was dating me. I’d been  polyamorous for many years.  » Read more

The post Poly Sherpa: Guiding (and Sometimes Loving) Beginners appeared first on Poly.Land.

Poly Honor Student Answers: Defensiveness and Stigma

Page   October 19, 2016   Comments Off on Poly Honor Student Answers: Defensiveness and Stigma

A lot of us are guilty of giving poly honor student answers.

“You’re poly?” we’re asked. “Aren’t you worried about diseases?”

And we answer with the standard-issue Poly Honor Student answer, which goes a little something like this: “Of course we are, but we all practice safe sex and are regularly tested.”

Of course,  » Read more

The post Poly Honor Student Answers: Defensiveness and Stigma appeared first on Poly.Land.

Catch and Release: Relationships that Come and Go

Page   October 18, 2016   Comments Off on Catch and Release: Relationships that Come and Go

Timing is everything in relationships.  In monogamous (or serial monogamous) terms, if two people want to date, they must be available at the same time, i.e., not otherwise partnered. Unless of course one or both of them cheat, and deception is not the preferred way to start things off. One would think that this conflict,  » Read more

The post Catch and Release: Relationships that Come and Go appeared first on Poly.Land.