Monthly Archives: September 2016

Polyamory and the Five Love Languages

Page   September 28, 2016   Comments Off on Polyamory and the Five Love Languages

Photo by gail_thepinkpeppercorn / CC BY

I recently wrote about how much damage can be done to a person or an entire network of relationships when everyone involved isn’t pulling their weight.

I forgot to mention that we need to be careful when considering what people are contributing.  » Read more

Poly Hinges: A Field Guide

Page   September 27, 2016   Comments Off on Poly Hinges: A Field Guide

Photo by Lauryn McDowell/CC BY

One thing that is plainly obvious in Poly.Land is that there are certain people who date more than others. Their dance card is fully booked. They meet a new cluster of friends and are suddenly dating two-thirds of them.

There’s a good chance this person has a hinge personality.  » Read more

PQ 2.3 – Am I flexible in what I’m looking for?

Page   September 24, 2016   Comments Off on PQ 2.3 – Am I flexible in what I’m looking for?

Photo by Horia Varlan / CC BY

Yes.

And no.

Because “flexible” doesn’t even begin to cover it. Because I don’t know that I’m even “looking for” anything. There’s no grand objective, no artifact I’m seeking, no burning need I ache to fill. The grail is not my quest.  » Read more

The Curse of Poly Competence

Page   September 23, 2016   Comments Off on The Curse of Poly Competence

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It’s a familiar story – you start a new job. You’re nervous at first because you don’t know how you’re going to master everything they throw your way, but you put in effort, work hard, and persevere. It’s a struggle, but eventually you’ve got the hang of it. It may have felt like forever to you – but everyone’s so impressed by how quickly you picked it up and how well you’re doing.  » Read more

If You Can’t Control Yourself, Don’t Be Poly

Page   September 21, 2016   Comments Off on If You Can’t Control Yourself, Don’t Be Poly

Photo by Phil Roeder / CC BY

“Page, I don’t know what to do,” he said. “I’m in this fantastic relationship with a good old-fashioned girl.”

“This doesn’t sound like a problem,” I said, smirking.

“It wasn’t. Until I met this other girl. She’s amazing.”  » Read more

PQ 2.2 — What configurations am I open to? Am I looking for a particular configuration because I’m afraid that others might be more scary or more threatening?

Page   September 17, 2016   Comments Off on PQ 2.2 — What configurations am I open to? Am I looking for a particular configuration because I’m afraid that others might be more scary or more threatening?

Photo by wooleywonderworks/CC BY

I am open to whatever configuration makes the most sense logistically and given the personalities of all involved.

It seems like folly to decide what structure I’m going to build without first having the component parts in hand.

Besides, every time I have tried to come up with some kind of tentative plan,  » Read more