*tap* *tap* Is this thing on?
I’ve been away from the communities around kink, poly, fetlife, etc. for a couple of years now. That’s not to say that those labels did not apply to me, but that I stepped away from the community around all of it. My slave and I focused on developing ourselves, our relationship skills, and just plain experiencing secure attachment (of the psychological definition). It’s been a nice break from the inevitable personality clashes, infighting, disputes, and even friendly debates. We’ve both grown restless, and have felt a little disconnected.
It’s strange extricating oneself from a general community slowly, just watching it from a distance, both mentally and emotionally. The struggle and attempts to make better and to grow communities show – definitions and laws change, groups grow and disappear, the churn of people as newbies come in, learn, and grow out of respective groups.
It’s almost more telling what stays the same – munches & meetups, popular bloggers going for fake internet points (although the faces change), drama over various actions (actions stay the same, people change), classes being taught (many of the same ones). It’s very zen watching the “community”, as a full entity, live its life. The people, cells, and groups, organs. Vendors and teachers become the lifeblood, the newbies acting as an ever-living skin: living, learning, and then most sloughing off into the surrounding environment while the remainder is reabsorbed. There’s even a sort of immune system, reacting to protect the greater community when something with more sinister intentions gets in.
Watching from the outside, or sitting on the inside, it’s difficult to remember the opposite. Living in the din of activity that is the kink community, I know that I will forget this point of reference. The beauty of an anarchistic organism, thriving and struggling in some direction, directed not by a single point, but by the shared consciousness of all its living parts.
Rejoice in the struggle you might find yourself in. Whether it is determining the acceptance of a new member, teaching or learning the ropes, or even finding yourself in the *thwap* of a paddle. You belong to a thriving, living, beautiful thing.