I Long for Less Awkward “Quantity-Neutral” Forms

Kind of a miscellaneous gripe today, folks, but bear with me. I know they’re in vogue and tend to share well on social media (ah, so many writers are the mercy of the algorithm gods), but I generally don’t do a lot of ranty, complaining posts because… I don’t rant a lot in real life?  » Read more

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What’s It Like to Grow Up With Polyamorous Parents? The Answer Is Boring.

I know I don’t write a ton about polyamorous parenting on this blog, mostly because I am not a parent and don’t spend a lot of time with children. I don’t have any children myself. I did have partners in the past that had children, but it has been a while.

That said,  » Read more

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I’m So Tired of Love Triangles in Stories

My new novel Psychic City has been out for a few weeks. And holy hornbeam have y’all been awesome about it. I’ve been hearing from a lot you who have already read the book (wow) and really enjoyed it (aww).

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the book, Psychic City is a slipstream mystery that follows a trio of polyamorous women who are detectives investigating a string of murders.  » Read more

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For Better or Worse, I Don’t Have Rah Rah Polyamory Pom Poms

“What I’ve always liked about you,” she tells me, “is that you’re not one of those people who whip out your rah rah polyamory pom poms.”

“Thanks,” I say. “I think.”

“I mean it as a compliment,” she continues. “Like… you’re definitely supportive of polyamory — and other forms of consensual non-monogamy —  » Read more

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Having Known Unselfish Polyamorists Has Restored Faith the Pandemic Has Tested

As I’ve written many times before, I had a difficult transition into polyamory. I didn’t find non-monogamy to be easy.

Maybe for some people it is, but that’s not been my experience. Nor was it the reason I got into it in the first place, that it seemed like it would be easier.  » Read more

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What Are We Gonna Do Without Each Other?

Page   March 24, 2020   Comments Off on What Are We Gonna Do Without Each Other?

“This is a weird and difficult time to be polyamorous,” he says.

And I know what he means. I’m not sure what to do with it all. With any of it.

It’s tempting at times like these to come up with a quick answer that sounds good. To make up flowcharts or guides that address the problems we want to have rather than the ones we actually have.  » Read more

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Why Non-Toxic Monogamy Is a Beautiful Thing & Why Yes = No, No = Yes

Page   February 14, 2020   Comments Off on Why Non-Toxic Monogamy Is a Beautiful Thing & Why Yes = No, No = Yes

Even though I run a site called Poly.Land, sometimes people are surprised to find out that these days I don’t consider myself to be primarily polyamorous per se — but ambiamorous.

I’ve written about ambiamory many times on this site, for example:

To Make Mono/Poly Easier, View Monogamy and Polyamory as a Spectrum,  » Read more

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“Have You Ever Wanted to Give Up on Polyamory?”

Page   November 21, 2019   Comments Off on “Have You Ever Wanted to Give Up on Polyamory?”

Hey there! I’m new to poly, I’ve only been doing it for less than a year. I’ve been following your writings for that time and they’ve been a great help.

I still struggle with jealousy though, anxiety attacks, and just generally feeling terrible when my partner goes to explore new connections.  » Read more

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The Stigma Against Struggling With a Metamour & Why It’s Important to Work Against It

Page   October 22, 2019   Comments Off on The Stigma Against Struggling With a Metamour & Why It’s Important to Work Against It

“I love your new book,” she said.

“Thanks,” I replied. “I don’t usually like what I write, but I’m proud of that one. I’m happy with how it turned out.”

“I’m glad someone said it,” she said. “Loud and clear.”

“Said it?”

“That metamour relationships can be difficult sometimes.  » Read more

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When You Ask Someone to Question One Thing, You May Be Asking Them to Question Everything

Page   October 16, 2019   Comments Off on When You Ask Someone to Question One Thing, You May Be Asking Them to Question Everything

Upon hearing that I’ve written three books about polyamory and maintain a popular daily blog that heavily (although not exclusively) focuses on consensual non-monogamy, most people assume I must be some kind of polyamory fanatic.

They presume that I jumped into non-monogamy vigorously, happily, excited as heck. That I was an exuberant polyamorist,  » Read more

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