The Stigma Against Struggling With a Metamour & Why It’s Important to Work Against It

“I love your new book,” she said.

“Thanks,” I replied. “I don’t usually like what I write, but I’m proud of that one. I’m happy with how it turned out.”

“I’m glad someone said it,” she said. “Loud and clear.”

“Said it?”

“That metamour relationships can be difficult sometimes.  » Read more

The post The Stigma Against Struggling With a Metamour & Why It’s Important to Work Against It appeared first on Poly.Land.

When You Ask Someone to Question One Thing, You May Be Asking Them to Question Everything

Upon hearing that I’ve written three books about polyamory and maintain a popular daily blog that heavily (although not exclusively) focuses on consensual non-monogamy, most people assume I must be some kind of polyamory fanatic.

They presume that I jumped into non-monogamy vigorously, happily, excited as heck. That I was an exuberant polyamorist,  » Read more

The post When You Ask Someone to Question One Thing, You May Be Asking Them to Question Everything appeared first on Poly.Land.

The Very Presence of a Community and Other Voices Can Be Reassuring, Regardless of What They’re Even Saying

It’s been interesting, the past decade. Polyamory went from being a relatively obscure term, something that was only discussed in low-tech ancient discussion groups that looked basically like .txt files posted by a few obsessive outliers, to being covered by major news outlets. (The history of this emergence is well covered by Alan M’s blog Polyamory in the News)

While people disagree on whether consensual non-monogamy has caught on as a practice during that time (some people say no,  » Read more

The post The Very Presence of a Community and Other Voices Can Be Reassuring, Regardless of What They’re Even Saying appeared first on Poly.Land.

You Can Date Your Friends, But Don’t Date All of Your Friends

Sometimes people ask me how I got into writing books about relationships, blogging for a large audience, giving advice.

People always seem to be hoping for some backstory in which I had some kind of grand vision. In which I shot forward with the unbridled determination of an activist and an ideologue for kink and non-monogamy.  » Read more

The post You Can Date Your Friends, But Don’t Date All of Your Friends appeared first on Poly.Land.

FOMO, JOMO, and the Reality of Constant Comparison

FOMO: (noun) Fear of Missing Out. Anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on a social media website.

JOMO: (noun) Joy of Missing Out. Feeling of contentment due to staying in and disconnecting, can be considered an act of self-care

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Comparison.  » Read more

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Learning to Be Polyamorous Isn’t As Hard as Unlearning What You Were Taught About Relationships

Can you learn to be polyamorous? the reader asks.

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Yes, you can.

Well, sort of.

Because so much of the work I did in my early days as a polyamorous person wasn’t about learning polyamory but about unlearning what I’d been taught about relationships.  » Read more

The post Learning to Be Polyamorous Isn’t As Hard as Unlearning What You Were Taught About Relationships appeared first on Poly.Land.

What Is Functional Monogamy?

Hi Page,

I’ve seen you use the term “functional monogamy” several times in your writing now. I think I know what it means, but I’m not sure. Care to explain? What is functional monogamy?

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Basically, functional monogamy is a term that describes the behavior of a person having one romantic and/or sexual partner at a time.  » Read more

The post What Is Functional Monogamy? appeared first on Poly.Land.

Advice Friend: My Partner Is Sharing Posts from a Polyamory Page, Should I Be Concerned I’m Being Cheated On?

Hi Page,

The person I’ve been dating for 3-1/2 years has recently been reposting your stuff from Facebook.

Should I bring it up and directly ask if he is polyamorous? And if I didn’t know this about him, would that be considered cheating since it wasn’t “knowledge or consent of BOTH parties,”  » Read more

The post Advice Friend: My Partner Is Sharing Posts from a Polyamory Page, Should I Be Concerned I’m Being Cheated On? appeared first on Poly.Land.

If You’ve Ever Been Jealousy Baited, You’re Not Alone. And You’re Not Stupid for Trusting People.

I’ve been working through something very painful lately. Something that I’ve barely spoken about with anyone. Basically, just my nearest and dearest. And even with them, only sparingly.

Because it’s a mess. And I’m a mess about it.

But I’ve finally gotten to a place where I have enough closure that I can write an article about it,  » Read more

The post If You’ve Ever Been Jealousy Baited, You’re Not Alone. And You’re Not Stupid for Trusting People. appeared first on Poly.Land.

What Does It Mean to Be a Credit to Your Kink?

I’m not sure exactly where I heard it first, but it was all the rage during the first year or two after I joined FetLife: “Be a credit to your kink.”

Practically everyone was writing about it back then, in some way, shape, or form.

The basic premise of this catchphrase was this: If you’re doing something considered beyond the sociosexual pale,  » Read more

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