What Are We Gonna Do Without Each Other?

“This is a weird and difficult time to be polyamorous,” he says.

And I know what he means. I’m not sure what to do with it all. With any of it.

It’s tempting at times like these to come up with a quick answer that sounds good. To make up flowcharts or guides that address the problems we want to have rather than the ones we actually have.  » Read more

The post What Are We Gonna Do Without Each Other? appeared first on Poly.Land.

Why Non-Toxic Monogamy Is a Beautiful Thing & Why Yes = No, No = Yes

Even though I run a site called Poly.Land, sometimes people are surprised to find out that these days I don’t consider myself to be primarily polyamorous per se — but ambiamorous.

I’ve written about ambiamory many times on this site, for example:

To Make Mono/Poly Easier, View Monogamy and Polyamory as a Spectrum,  » Read more

The post Why Non-Toxic Monogamy Is a Beautiful Thing & Why Yes = No, No = Yes appeared first on Poly.Land.

“Have You Ever Wanted to Give Up on Polyamory?”

Hey there! I’m new to poly, I’ve only been doing it for less than a year. I’ve been following your writings for that time and they’ve been a great help.

I still struggle with jealousy though, anxiety attacks, and just generally feeling terrible when my partner goes to explore new connections.  » Read more

The post “Have You Ever Wanted to Give Up on Polyamory?” appeared first on Poly.Land.

The Stigma Against Struggling With a Metamour & Why It’s Important to Work Against It

“I love your new book,” she said.

“Thanks,” I replied. “I don’t usually like what I write, but I’m proud of that one. I’m happy with how it turned out.”

“I’m glad someone said it,” she said. “Loud and clear.”

“Said it?”

“That metamour relationships can be difficult sometimes.  » Read more

The post The Stigma Against Struggling With a Metamour & Why It’s Important to Work Against It appeared first on Poly.Land.

When You Ask Someone to Question One Thing, You May Be Asking Them to Question Everything

Upon hearing that I’ve written three books about polyamory and maintain a popular daily blog that heavily (although not exclusively) focuses on consensual non-monogamy, most people assume I must be some kind of polyamory fanatic.

They presume that I jumped into non-monogamy vigorously, happily, excited as heck. That I was an exuberant polyamorist,  » Read more

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The Very Presence of a Community and Other Voices Can Be Reassuring, Regardless of What They’re Even Saying

It’s been interesting, the past decade. Polyamory went from being a relatively obscure term, something that was only discussed in low-tech ancient discussion groups that looked basically like .txt files posted by a few obsessive outliers, to being covered by major news outlets. (The history of this emergence is well covered by Alan M’s blog Polyamory in the News)

While people disagree on whether consensual non-monogamy has caught on as a practice during that time (some people say no,  » Read more

The post The Very Presence of a Community and Other Voices Can Be Reassuring, Regardless of What They’re Even Saying appeared first on Poly.Land.

You Can Date Your Friends, But Don’t Date All of Your Friends

Page   September 16, 2019   Comments Off on You Can Date Your Friends, But Don’t Date All of Your Friends

Sometimes people ask me how I got into writing books about relationships, blogging for a large audience, giving advice.

People always seem to be hoping for some backstory in which I had some kind of grand vision. In which I shot forward with the unbridled determination of an activist and an ideologue for kink and non-monogamy.  » Read more

The post You Can Date Your Friends, But Don’t Date All of Your Friends appeared first on Poly.Land.

FOMO, JOMO, and the Reality of Constant Comparison

Page   August 15, 2019   Comments Off on FOMO, JOMO, and the Reality of Constant Comparison

FOMO: (noun) Fear of Missing Out. Anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on a social media website.

JOMO: (noun) Joy of Missing Out. Feeling of contentment due to staying in and disconnecting, can be considered an act of self-care

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Comparison.  » Read more

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Learning to Be Polyamorous Isn’t As Hard as Unlearning What You Were Taught About Relationships

Page   August 13, 2019   Comments Off on Learning to Be Polyamorous Isn’t As Hard as Unlearning What You Were Taught About Relationships

Can you learn to be polyamorous? the reader asks.

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Yes, you can.

Well, sort of.

Because so much of the work I did in my early days as a polyamorous person wasn’t about learning polyamory but about unlearning what I’d been taught about relationships.  » Read more

The post Learning to Be Polyamorous Isn’t As Hard as Unlearning What You Were Taught About Relationships appeared first on Poly.Land.

What Is Functional Monogamy?

Page   August 5, 2019   Comments Off on What Is Functional Monogamy?

Hi Page,

I’ve seen you use the term “functional monogamy” several times in your writing now. I think I know what it means, but I’m not sure. Care to explain? What is functional monogamy?

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Basically, functional monogamy is a term that describes the behavior of a person having one romantic and/or sexual partner at a time.  » Read more

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